Sun-bleached knockout roses up on the hill Charcoal clouds are looming still Getting so old but I feel so young Trying to break your heart and fork my tongue

When god closes a door, she opens the window Then climbs on through into the smokey room Blurs the lines between magical and madness Throws up in a trash can next to you My timeline might be a little hazy When did it begin and begin again ? Singing the wrong words to every love song Just outline what’s true and color in The reason to go to war with my ego Why our overgrown garden’s still in bloom She’s tired from holding all the time & space I’ve never seen eyes quite that shade of blue Try to be her king, her ring, or crutch, or fuck or anything Or just a dose of oxytocin skin to skin While I’m writing the wrong words in every love song Just outline what’s true and color in

They say, They say, That blood is thicker than water I disagree When it comes to my father The Blood gets pretty thin Mixed with alcohol and methamphetamines They say, The apple don’t fall far from the tree Like Inherited disease Or bipolar genes From my next of kin When it’s nature vs. nurture no one wins They say, Like father, Like son I’m 29 With 2 blue lines You’re 45 Strung out and high My future children on the way Trying to imagine what I’d say About you Grandpa Joey can’t come play He overdosed today I see their devastated face So I … I ghosted you Couldn’t find the words to say You know it’s better off this way They won’t know you So I ghosted you You ghosted me too I wouldn’t want it any other way I’m happy you didn’t stay I don’t owe you So I ghosted you They say They say, That blood is thicker than water

We drove 16 hundred miles Across our home state Through altered states of consciousness Lit fires along the way Echoes through the canyons Stood staring in awe Watched the children watching The wonder of it all In what they saw With no words At all I’d call you brothers Our faces aglow from the flame But it doesn’t feel quite right There’s got to be a different name Cause we’ve all got brothers But it’s not the same You’re not the family I was born with You’re the family that I claim Saw the years in the millions Laid bare at our feet Down the winding roads Like the river to the sea Echoes through the canyons Counting wild sheep Ruminating science fiction While the children dream Of what they’ve seen With no words Just free I’d call you brothers Our faces aglow from the flame But it doesn’t feel quite right There’s got to be a different name ‘Cause we’ve all got brothers But it’s not the same You’re not the family I was born with You’re the family that I claim Like echos through the canyons Like ripples in the streams Through the highs the lows And the in-betweens Like echos through the canyons Like the paintings on the walls Carried over rivers Chasing waterfalls Life long companions Through the sorrows and the joys No matter what we call it You’re still Uncles to the boys

I grew up in dive bars And honky-tonks Watching my grandpa playing For the local drunks He never wrote a song But he sings them like his own With his red cup full of vodka Making country gold The smell of cheap beer And cigarette smoke Next to the crooked pool tables Learning dirty jokes Up way past my bedtime In the neon glow I knew when I heard Gary Stewart It was almost time to go When he sang… “An empty glass, My last cigarette It’s closing time, I’m drunk again But somehow I’ll make it home Cry myself to sleep That’s the way the day ends Every night for me” I grew up on dirt roads And worn cliches Hearing my Paw Paw’s stories About the good ole days “oh boy god I happy” Tug-o-war I never won “Well I call it this” King Kong baby in the morning sun He got married young But he never settled down A Rolling stone forever Asleep on my grandma’s couch Taught me my first chords Before too long I had a song I could never make them sound like The songs I heard when I was young When he sang… “An empty glass, My last cigarette It’s closing time, I’m drunk again But somehow I’ll make it home Cry myself to sleep That’s the way the day ends Every night for me”

Nineteen forty five After the bombs fell from the sky The war is over celebrate Another daughter on the way Nineteen sixty three Just barely seventeen In love and making plans When he asked your dad for your hand Nineteen sixty six Don’t have time for politics Your first born daughter here at last A month before your daddy passed Nineteen eighty six Your youngest girls done more than kiss Her future’s over lots of tears The voice of god in your ears Don’t you know, you are so strong You can weather whatever the storm Face down the darkness before the dawn Small steps, deep breaths Just love Late night Maybe ninety three He’s doused all her things in gasoline Backseat waiting, we made it fast No doubt that you could whoop his ass Nineteen ninety five Never bored on our long drive Playing Scribble games down the highway You taught me more than I could say Two thousand three A single grandma raising me I know it’s not the life you chose Teenage angst and punk rock shows Don’t you know, you are so strong You can weather whatever the storm Face down the darkness before the dawn Small steps, deep breaths Just love I never called you mom But you’re the one who mothered me You know it’s hard to navigate That twisted family tree you’re the woman that raised me Raised me up with all your might I know you struggled through heartache And I gave you a hell of a fight You Sang me songs every morning That I still know to this day you were there for every scrapped knee For every Scribble on the page Your the one that tucked me in at night Held me when I was sad You’re my one safe place that I’m forever grateful to have had Don’t you know, you are so strong You can weather whatever the storm Face down the darkness before the dawn Small steps, deep breaths Just love

Honey pt. 2 Sticks and stones may break your bones Words can break your heart The truths a had pill to swallow But I don’t know where else to start I tried writing you a song that said exactly how I felt It was far too brutal to be shared So I kept it for myself The subjects hard to bring up Every conversation’s weird So let me articulate my thoughts I want to finally make them clear You were a child with a child And I know that you were scared I don’t fault you for your timing Or for you not being there I think the problem really lies In insecurity and guilt I don’t want to be hurtful I just want to say it like it is You’re not the one who raised me I know you wish that wasn’t true But attachment figures aren’t just something wishes can undo It hurts that I can’t just call her up Or have her stop by to see the kids Without her worrying about your feelings Knowing you would take offense I know she’s trying to protect you Putting your needs above her own And It’s hard to argue with A mother’s sacrificial love I want you to know tears me up inside That her only thanks was guilt For being a mother when you couldn’t Building a home you couldn’t build I know You wish you could rewrite history you’re worried that you weren’t enough You wish could straighten this all out You’re worried I don’t know your love I’ve never doubted that you love me And I know you’ve had it rough But can you put your needs aside for once And can you love me enough …To be my second call

Late nights playing solitaire Beats the racing thoughts and ceiling stares Waiting for the drugs to kick in Peach hibiscus gummy bears Adarax we used to share Leftover medication from our late dog Sometimes I still feel him there Got ziplock baggies full of hair He’s not in that box of ashes up on the shelf He’s howling at the moon yeah Sounds like hallelujah

Where the hell do I begin? How far can I backtrack? Maybe I’m getting Soft Or there’s too much to unpack So thinly veiled it’s see through Childish like finger paint While I try to embrace Our place in time and space Tried to tally up my sins I turned the etch-a-sketch black You keep shaking them off I keep adding them back If patience is a virtue Then you’re a goddamned saint While I try to erase All these lines I’ve traced I’ve tried forking my tongue But still the truth comes out Tried to color in the meaning But my head’s still full of doubts Saying outlaid Things that are better left unsaid Climbed the family tree Pulled on every thread Wrote half songs I can’t finish Wrote full songs I can’t sing Forcing out the words Holding on to everything Time is fast, the years are hard Playing remember when If we could do it over Would we still do it all again?